RIP DFW
"But if you've really learned how to think, how to pay attention, then you will know you have other options. It will actually be within your power to experience a crowded, loud, slow, consumer-hell-type situation as not only meaningful but sacred, on fire with the same force that lit the stars -- compassion, love, the sub-surface unity of all things."
posted by Muzachary at 4:31:00 PM
2 Comments:
Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize - we're floating in space -
Do You Realize - that happiness makes you cry
Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round
I wanted to send this to your e-mail, but it was returned. Maybe you have a new e-mail. I realize it's not as personal if posted in comments, but I hope you e-mail me back. I still have the same address.
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Hi Zach,
It's usually my favorite time of year, and often my time of rebirth and new beginnings as I'm a November baby and the leaves falling means soon it's my birthday, but this year I'm not feeling it. Not yet anyways. Today, after I finish writing you, I'm going to go for a long walk with my headphones on. I'm thinking I might listen to She&Him since I think their music is so beautiful (at first I didn't, but then it really really grew in my ears) or maybe I'll let myself be all solemn and listen to CocoRosie. Or maybe I'll just let it go on random and hope none the cheesy techno music I have in my library for my aerobics classes sneaks in.
I think I'm feeling sort of detached because I'm starting to confuse my dream life and real life. In my dreams I'm often in my town here, but it's as close a proximity to Detroit as Ann Arbor felt, as if I could just get someone to drive me home a couple hours away. I also find that in my dreams my legs struggle to walk- as if there are weights on them, or I'm underwater. I also see my family and friends a lot in my dreams lately and wake up thinking "why don't we go to that brunch place I like today" until it hits me that I'm still here, those brunch places are still there (far away) and there aren't even any brunch places or anything like that here, not even in the capital city. I suppose all this means I'm finally feeling homesick. My mom came last month. We went to Montenegro together which was beautiful (but Italy is beautiful-er) but not that interesting in terms of people. I spent a lot of our trip taking amazing photographs of the mountains, the Sea, my mother, us together. I even filmed videos. Then I left my camera in the airplane, never to see those photos again, and coming home missing my mom and just wanting to see pictures of us together. I'm pretty heartbroken over it still. Clearly the impact on my mood remains.
As I've been telling people here it's as if one foot is out already. I wish I could take back to America with me the following: my apartment, walnut trees, the Perjun family, Misha, the sport school (to show at home the progress we've made), and what it feels like to walk through town- calm, still, empty, uncomplicated. I worry about my not taking advantage of the last months here like I should, and having some regrets when I get home. I think it's true it's hard to know what one will miss until one leaves and in fact misses. I've spent two years away from home and have only cried about missing my grandfather, who I would've missed being at home anyway, and have only really felt the distance when I feel alone here.
My friend Jen and I, she is leaving in less than a month, talked about how we're ready to really laugh again. We laugh enough here, sure, but ready to be around people who get the crassness, who don't look at us strangely when we're just being goofy, apart or together I guess. Sometimes, y'know the feeling, when you just feel yourself getting loose and start acting a fool, you want a person with you to join in, or at least get the joke. Here, the reaction from even my closest friends has been discomfort or one of those "Okkay Amy, you losing your mind?" which quickly sobers me up.
I also miss art. I've been doing stencil art which in many cities in the world has totally been done and is nothing new, but for Ocnita will be a shock. Tonight I'm going out to get them on the walls and sidewalks. I have these following pictures to put up: a bug, a boot, cindy crawford's face, a pointing finger, three men in suits jumping, a tiger's face. I've been surveying the area for where I will do these, and I'm excited to see/hear people's reactions and wonderment as to whodunit. I also miss movie theaters and live music.
I looked at your blog today and was reminded that yes! You're still in Detroit! It made me feel a little better about coming home, because one more person to look forward to seeing back in Michigan. I have no idea about you, though, and what you're doing now. Are you in love? Are you creating? Do you feel stressed or content? Where do you live? What do you do during the day? Night? I get back to America December 29th. I'll be home for New Years eve but then maybe the first week in January take a trip to New York. I want to take Economics at OCC, and maybe something else, like cooking, or baking, or ..I'll have to look at what's offered. I want to exercise 4-5times a week. Want to go to a movie at least a couple times a week. Want to sleep with Roxanne a lot. I want to xxxxx xxxx. I want to go out for brunch. Oh, and of course, I want to see you and hang tons of ten. Next fall, 2009, I'll be in a different city for law school (or so I hope) and then be far again, but it'll be okay, because being back in the country is still closer than across the sea.
I hope you are doing well and I hope you have a nice weekend and I hope I hear from you soon.
Send me on the internet anything worth seeing, hearing, reading. If you want.
Hello to the fam.
<3
-A
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